‘Have a baby,’ they tell you, ‘It will change your life!‘
The minute I got married, I couldn’t wait to be a mother. My husband wanted to settle into our new life first. I told him it would probably take a long time to get pregnant. But nope, first try and boom, there we were. You would think all the crying, sleeplessness and mess would have deterred anyone from ever doing that another time. But nope again, the need for one more baby was boiling in my blood. My husband rolled his eyes and agreed, but only if that was going to be it. Boom, there we were again.
Here is what no one will tell you ahead of time ~ those sweet little faces will at one moment or another scare the hell out of you!
I really should have known this was true having had a couple of much younger siblings for whom I and my older sister were put in charge of. My brother, who was nine and seven years younger than us had a habit of running away, hiding, and never wanting to come home. When I sobbingly told my mother I lost him one day, right out of our backyard, we all frantically looked everywhere. As my mother was about to call the police, that adorable cherry-cheeked two-year-old came out of our neighbor’s back door with a cookie in his hand. It gave me nightmares for a very long time ~ you know the one ~ you’re trying to catch up to him, but your legs go in slow motion? Yikes.
My baby sister, fifteen and thirteen years younger than I and the oldest, was much easier for us to handle. However, as we lie on beach towels perfecting our suntan at the lake, we watched her two-year-old self take a stroll down the pier. Our then nine-year-old brother was right behind her so we didn’t make much of it. She throws her stick in the water and proceeds to walk off the end of the pier to go after it. The water was very deep. Our brother never learned how to swim. He hurls himself in after her trying to grab her and stay above water. Trust me, you’ve never seen two teen-age girls run so fast in your life. We managed to get them both out alive.
They do say, ‘With great love there comes the potential for great pain,’ and that most mothers, ‘can only be as happy as their least happy child.’ I believe this can be true. Thankfully, I have never had to endure a death of, or witness grave harm to, one of my children. I am astounded by Mother Mary’s example of how to be supportive, like she was, as she stood by the side of her crucified son while pouring out love with all her heart. They say you can’t feel love and fear at the same time. Did understanding the contributions he had made to the world make that possible?
Motherhood does come with the viewing of our children being mistreated, heartbroken, sick, injured or roughed-up by life’s many disappointments. We know, intellectually, that the hard-knocks in life builds character, resilience, strength, courage and higher purpose in our children. But on an emotional level, we pray to be held by Divine Mother as we watch our children go through their toughest experiences ~ it is the way we can shine love to them heart to heart and soul to soul come what may. The joy of celebrating their milestones and having fun times is all we need to hang on to. I know that, it was the beat of my heart that brought my children comfort before they were even born. Now it is the sound of their voice and the pleasure of their company that fills my heart with comfort.
My mother chose motherhood as her occupation in life, as most women did from her generation, though I suspect she had double the children she had planned for as the Catholic rhythm method of birth control was the option she used. Therefore, she ended up giving birth in the 50s, 60s and 70s. I can only imagine the number of times she felt the terror of watching one of us go through our life lessons.
On this Mother’s Day, I send her a heart-felt wave of gratitude for providing us with a spotless, stable, and reliable place to rest our heads. I will forever be amazed at how she always prepared wholesome, delicious dinners for all of us kids every single night, and then did it again for my father when he came home late at night from work. Though it is not possible, I truly wish I could have spared her from all the times I frightened her with my quirky attitude, occasional poor choice, and other life adventures. May Divine Mother cradle her in her arms now with peaceful rest during this last phase of her time with us. Much love!
The picture is the high school photo of my mother and an image of Divine Mother by Era of Peace.
Pen Augustin is author of Waves of Light and The Priestess Tale series. Pen loves to give messages about how we can heal ourselves and bring balance to our beloved planet. Living near the beautiful shores of Lake Michigan, she enjoys spending time in nature and communing with the local wildlife.